How to torture employees with annoying motivational phrases

Dear Employee,

Though we have our hurdles ahead of us, I just want to send a friendly reminder that it does not matter how slowly one goes as long as you do not stop. This is an exciting stage for us, it’s where we learn the rules of the game and the next step is for us to play better than anyone else. These aren’t problems, they’re challenges! And anyway, we should expect problems and eat them for breakfast. I think it was Albert Einstein who said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” But I don’t want to be one of those bosses who throws empty phrases at you so I’ll just say, in my own words: if you can dream it, you can do it, the secret of getting ahead is getting started, and keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.

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Dear Boss,

Thank you for these extremely motivating words. Please know that I am all gratitude but also words are powerless to express my gratitude. I can’t thank you enough. I’m forever grateful. Thanks for being there when I needed you. I cannot express my appreciation. Please accept my deepest thanks. Your generosity overwhelms me. I will never forget what you have done. Thanks a million.

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Why Your Torture Plan Will Surely Backfire:

Although your intentions may be great you sound disingenuous, like an automaton, the business version of a Stepford wife. Words only go so far.

I want to share a tale with you…

A guy is climbing a mountain. He’s exhausted and starts to lose his balance.

His friend says to him, “keep going tiger, you can do this, you’re the man!”

The guy falls to his death.

If you want further proof that really brings it home do a Google search that starts with “inspirational quotes are” and you will find the following:

0*-6-y_7-K2sm-7yfu

 

 

 

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Maybe Try This Instead?

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde

Just kidding. Well, not entirely. If clichés do motivate you personally then use one, but don’t use two. You’re typically only given a pass for one in any conversation. After one cliché you become disingenuous. Ask yourself what would motivate you if the roles were switched. What would you want to hear? Maybe say whatever nonsense quote you want to say in your head and then out loud say something personal, relevant and helpful that means the same thing.