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leadership development

“Great job on that last project, you did great, we’re all happy with you, and we can’t wait to see what you do next!”

Most of us are just fine with positive feedback, although even praise can sometimes leave us feeling uneasy.

Closing the deal, earning the respect of someone you admire, or getting the perfect bit of coaching that kicks your skill level up a notch can be extremely gratifying.

We did it! They like us! I’m getting better!

Then there’s the other stuff …the feedback that leaves us confused or enraged, flustered or flattened. Whether it’s constructive criticism or a flat out insult, this kind of feedback triggers us: our heart pounds, our stomach clenches, our internal voice gets louder, our thoughts race and scatter.

Humans – on average – are not great at giving or receiving negative feedback, and for good reason: it typically makes people feel bad. Especially in the workplace.

Negative feedback can make someone feel like their job isn’t secure, their status as a professional has been threatened, or that they aren’t meeting expectations.

A few statistics to digest:

  • 63% of executives felt their biggest challenge to effective performance management is that their managers lack the courage and/or skills to have difficult feedback conversations.
  • 1/4 employees reported dreading their performance review more than anything else in their working lives.
  • Only 36% of managers complete appraisals thoroughly and on time.
  • And in a recent Gallup survey, 55% of employees reported that their most recent performance review was unfair or inaccurate.

Feedback sits between two important human needs: our desire – and necessity – to develop and grow on the one hand, and to be accepted as we are on the other.

So while negative feedback can hurt our feelings, we would also go crazy if we never learned from our mistakes or improved our skill and performance level over time.

If you’ve ever been stuck in a job where your boss was really friendly but never gave you direction or ideas for how to improve, you can understand how frustrating it is to feel like you’re stuck and not getting the resources you need to grow.

Most of us don’t want to stay at our current jobs forever, we want more challenges, greater responsibility, and increased earning potential; all of these things require getting feedback!

However, imagine if you got feedback about every single thing you did all day.

Your spouse tells you their coffee would be better with more cream, three people tell you that your shoes don’t match your belt on the way to work, and your boss emails you after every meeting with a bulleted list of pros and cons of your behavior.

Welcome to feedback fatigue:

Feedback fatigue occurs when someone gets mentally drained from receiving too much negative feedback.

As a manager, watch out for feedback fatigue when you need to develop an employee and there is a large gap between where they currently are and where they need to be.

Feedback typically requires change, and humans aren’t great with change. Even those who are open to feedback get worn down from an overabundance of constructive criticism. People need time to assimilate feedback into their behavior and self-concept.

Everyone’s Threshold for Negative Feedback is Different

When you are in a position that requires you to give performance feedback to people, it’s a good idea to know who you’re dealing with.

Does your employee crave challenges and bounce back quickly or do they have a hard time building back their confidence after getting negative or constructive feedback?

Researchers have found that infants who show more extreme reactions to stimuli like noises or images are more likely to have strong emotional reactions to negative feedback in adulthood.

Each of us has a “swing:”

Swing is how far from our baseline mood we usually travel in response to feedback.

Understanding the swing of the people you work with is important.

There are those who are very emotional and sensitive to any kind of feedback. They feel very happy in response to positive feedback and very sad in response to negative feedback.

Others might have a larger swing for positive feedback and get really excited, but negative feedback doesn’t really bother them.

While others are the opposite: positive feedback doesn’t make them feel very good but negative feedback causes them to feel very bad.

Each of us has a different threshold tolerance & ability to bounce back after receiving negative feedback. Feedback fatigue is thus going to kick in at different points, depending on the individual.

The most challenging types are the people who have short boost from positive feedback and long recovery from negative feedback, but anyone is susceptible to feedback fatigue if there’s too much feedback frequency.

Remember that we have the basic human need to be accepted as we are. Too much evaluation, positive or negative, can make anyone feel overwhelmed and judged.

Signs of Feedback Fatigue

You’re going to know it when you see it. And you’ll probably be anticipating it because you’ll feel fatigued from giving the same person so much negative feedback and evaluation.

The first sign of feedback fatigue is for the giver: do you feel like you are continually giving feedback?

If so, it’s a safe bet that the receiver is feeling it too. Even the most positive and self-assured individual can burn out if too much feedback comes at them.

  1. Paralysis. Someone experiencing feedback fatigue will feel paralyzed; they will second-guess everything they’re doing. They will start looking over their shoulder for their boss’ approval.
  2. Emotional depletion. A feeling of learned helplessness will settle in after a series of negative feedback sessions; the receiver will not have the required resilience to care enough to change. They will feel like nothing they do will be good enough.
  3. Immunity to positive feedback. Remember the 5-to-1 rule: we need five positive interactions to offset one negative interaction in an interpersonal relationship, so even a dose or two of positive feedback will be ineffectual at offsetting feedback fatigue and maintaining a positive, friendly dynamic.
  4. Disengagement. If we’re made to feel hopelessly incompetent, then the aforementioned feedback fatigue signs will be the final nails in the coffin. The receiver will either start to look elsewhere for employment or live in a bubble of apathy.

Reverse the course

Feedback fatigue is easily reversible but it does have to be acknowledged by both parties, the giver and the receiver.

Acknowledging the reality of the situation normalizes the condition for the receiver and halts the sense of isolation that might be creeping in.

The receiver needs to know they are not being oversensitive or have the inability to hear feedback. Let them know that too much feedback in too short a time was thrown at them.

Let them know that while the feedback might be valid, it doesn’t mean they are incompetent or incapable of getting to where they need to be.

As the manager who gave too much negative feedback, you must realize that your employee is going to be incredibly disengaged if they feel you consistently view them in a negative light. So it is vital that you acknowledge positive actions and successful work and appreciate the effort your employee is putting in.

Prioritize the feedback. Pinpoint the most important aspects the person needs to work on and have that be the focus for the foreseeable future.

Change is hard! Keep your expectations reasonable and give your employee the highest priority feedback first, and once those changes are made move onto less pressing changes and criticism.

Moving forward after feedback fatigue will look differently for everyone, but acknowledging the fatigue is the first step. Have an open discussion with the person to determine the next steps: how drastic – or not – those steps need to be, and how they might receive feedback going forward.

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A couple of years ago I coached a client who worked at a high-end fashion company.

He knew he made a mistake taking the job on his first day.

The onboarding process consisted solely of being shown where his desk and chair was. Nobody came around to say hello or offer their help if he needed it. There was no training, no welcoming, no nothing.

He sat in his chair wondering what exactly he was supposed to do.

“Okay,” he realized, “I have to figure this out on my own.” And so began a trial-by-fire process to learn the ropes. Every time he made a mistake, his boss would come out from her office to scold him publicly. In fact, the only reason she ever emerged from her office was to scold him.

That was how he learned the job: by training himself, making an innocent mistake, and then being told he did it all wrong.

When his boss sat down with him for his first performance review she told him, “We’ve never had someone make this many mistakes before.”

This was actually a line she had used on each person who held his position before him. He later learned that his boss was getting the same hostile treatment from her own boss, the president of the company. The president treated everyone under him the same way, and an atmosphere of fear and shame pervaded the entire company.

[There was even spyware on every computer in case the president decided to arbitrarily see what any person was doing at any particular time.]

The reason I’m sharing this story is to show how deeply a leader’s behavior can propagate throughout an organization. How a leader relates to the people around them can set a precedent for the entire culture.

The Emotional Footprint

Most of us are familiar with the idea of our carbon footprint, and we try to take steps to reduce the negative impact of our lifestyle on the Earth.

We understand that if we throw garbage on the ground, drive a car that gets 5 miles per gallon, and never recycle, those choices will have a real impact on the environment that only compounds over time.

Most of us take steps to make sure we’re not unnecessarily destroying the Earth with our carbon footprint, but we might not realize we are leaving an emotional footprint too:

The effect that a person or company has on the work environment of an organization and its people.

An emotional footprint is the result of emotional contagion, be it positive or negative. As a leader, your emotions and the way you relate to the people around you affects the organizational environment, oftentimes in ways you might not anticipate.

It’s when the emotional footprint is negative that is cause for concern. Like an oil spill in a coral reef, toxic emotions or interpersonal practices from a leader can cause drastic damage to the balance of an organization.

Emotional contagion spreads like wildfire.

So many factors contribute to the emotional footprint impressed upon a people and an organization. Just like there is a variety of different ways to pollute the earth, there is a plethora of ways a leader can sour the emotional environment of an organization.

It can be small, ongoing things.

It could be a bad mood or a short temper. It could be nitpicking, micromanaging, and mistrust. It could be ego or an unwillingness to admit mistakes. It could simply be a harsh and unappreciative communication style.

Or it could be something extreme, like Jackie Bucia, who was the emotional equivalent of the BP oil spill for the automotive group she worked for. In 2011, Jackie asked her employee, Debbie, to give her a kidney. After Debbie underwent surgery and gave away her kidney, Jackie (allegedly) fired Debbie for not recovering quick enough from the surgery leaving Debbie without health insurance.

Actions like the above pollute the minds of the people in the organization, which causes unproductive group dynamics, a lack of trust, and a decline in creativity and collaboration.

For example, if the CEO treats all employees – regardless of status – with respect and appreciation, then that sense of equality and respect will diffuse throughout the organization.

If, on the other hand, the CEO acts like she is a queen and every other employee is her servant, the emotional atmosphere will be tense; the struggle for power will hinder people working together towards the common, organizational goals.

For a leader, it’s always a good idea to conduct an emotional footprint test, to gauge the overarching emotional vibe running through the organization.

Emotions spread like wildfire, and if you have an outbreak of negativity polluting the air you want to contain it before it destroys productivity and morale.

Keep an open door policy

The easiest and quickest way to feel the pulse of your organization is to promote a culture where people feel comfortable to speak their mind, and share their feelings.

Promote psychological safety. Create a comfortable environment where speaking your mind is accepted, and expected. Feeling safe to be vulnerable, to take risks, to just be, can be powerfully motivating. Google conducted 200+ interviews over the course of 2 years looking at more than 250 attributes of 180+ active Google teams. They found the teams that had achieved psychological safety were the most successful.

Create a space where leaders accept feedback from employees, anyone can ask for help, and employees are allowed to make mistakes, especially when they are taking a risk or developing a new skill.

Check yourself before your wreck yourself

Leaders must maintain a healthy daily dose of self-awareness. Before you enter the workspace conduct a self-examination:

·     What kinds of thoughts are floating through your head?

·     Do you feel happy or sad?

·     Are you feeling introverted or extroverted?

·     Are you inspired, indifferent, or unenthusiastic about work?

Rest assured whatever is going on in your head is going to create a chain reaction. If you are stressed, frustrated, and angry at the world, those emotions will play out in the workplace and they will spread throughout your team.

Create a positive onboarding experience

Make the first impression the right one. When a new hire starts make them feel welcome. Get the team together and give your new member a chance to get to know everyone.

Sounds simple and yet it is overlooked more often than you’d think. Many leaders simply do not take the time to incorporate a positive onboarding experience, which in turn sets the tone for that new hire’s experience at said company.

Submit yourself to a 360-Degree Assessment

A 360-Degree assessment is a chance for your supervisors, direct reports, and peers to anonymously give you feedback about your strengths and weaknesses.

This is a very quick and easy – though not necessarily painless – way to get a snapshot of how your coworkers think of you.

Have the 360-Degree assessment be conducted by an executive coach or leadership development team to help analyze your feedback and develop a plan to improve upon the negative aspects of your personality or leadership style.

When it comes down to it, we’re talking about self-awareness, and widening the scope of your self-awareness isn’t always easy. It’s emotional, it’s personal, and directly confronts your ego. In the long run, however, you’ll be thankful you did it.

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Sometimes I like to go to the movies by myself because I only laugh if I truly find something funny and I might like a story that – were I with others – I might not otherwise like due to my subconscious perception of their reaction.

When we go to the movies with someone, we are swayed by their laughter or their mood, and that in turn colors our experience of what we are watching.

And isn’t that true for most of our group experiences in life?

Those around us often affect our moods, reactions, thoughts, and feelings. So it goes to reason that when we put ourselves into groups and teams in the workplace we will also be affected by the personalities that surround us.

Sometimes, teams gain their strength by being greater than the sum of their individual members. But group dynamics and social influence can cause far more problems than they solve.

Groups, whether they are an executive team or a religious cult, are susceptible to making decisions that none of the individuals involved would have chosen or condoned independently.

When it comes to why smart individuals make dumb group decisions there are four major factors.

1. Overconfidence

There comes a point when healthy confidence dips over the edge into overconfidence:

When we are excessively confident, to a fault, in our own abilities.

Overconfidence breeds arrogance, which can lead to faulty decision-making.

This is dangerous for anyone, but particularly for leaders. If we are so confident in ourselves that we disregard facts and/or insight that would benefit us, then we’re headed down a self-destructive path, and we are taking everyone down with us.

Interestingly, groups do not quell overconfidence; rather, individuals tend to grow more confident in groups.

One way this happens is through our cognitive biases, like the confirmation bias:

our propensity to seek out and weigh only the information that supports our beliefs or decisions.

In a group setting confirmation bias can play out in dangerous ways.

It’s much easier to share information with a group that supports the consensus or the new idea everyone likes. It’s much more difficult to be the “wet blanket” who has information or an opinion that goes against the group momentum.

On a larger scale, confirmation bias can begin with the formation of the group. For example, if I have an exciting but expensive idea for a new marketing campaign, I might not invite the budget-minded CFO for a discussion of my plan.

With a lack of dissenting voices and information, individuals in a group can grow more and more confident in the infallibility of their ideas and make poor decisions.

2. Common Knowledge

New ideas are hard to come by – and accept when brought to the table – but it’s even more difficult to take the risk and share a totally new idea with a group. This is why groups tend to rely on common knowledge when they get together to generate ideas.

It’s much easier to talk about that which you know already than that which you don’t.

Group members prefer to exchange information held in common because they receive more favorable reactions.

If you play it safe and stick to the status quo, you aren’t vulnerable, causing any anxiety, or potentially sounding like an idiot.

If, however, you are the sole member of a group with a new, innovative idea, the odds are against you.

When you present something that is unknown, unseen, and unproven, you can make people psychologically uncomfortable because they have to consider their biases and assumptions, critically think about the issue at hand, and have to decide whether or not they want to change (and people hate to change).

3. Groupthink

In the famous Asch conformity studies, participants are seated at a table with a few other people, whom they believe are fellow participants but are actually actors.

A researcher presents the group with cards like ones pictured below and asks the folks sitting at the table which line, A, B, or C, matches the height of the line on the left. The actors answer first, each going down the line and answering incorrectly, “A”. The participant then has to give his answer.

While the answer is obviously “C”, about 1/3 of people will conform to the actors’ incorrect answer.

Now, you might be thinking: “I would never conform and say the blatantly wrong answer!” However, what if instead of random actors answering the question before you, it was your boss and other members of the upper management at your company? Would you defiantly give your honest answer or would you conform to avoid rocking the boat?

We are social creatures, and our desire to maintain harmony, avoid conflict, and protect feelings can lead to extremely dysfunctional decision-making.

Irving Janis researched the phenomenon in 1972 and proposed that certain characteristics of groups tend to encourage groupthink:

  • Strong group cohesion
  • High levels of stress
  • Strong/directive group leader
  • Insulation from outside opinions
  • Isolations from other groups
  • Lack of norms for evaluating information

Groupthink undermines the long-term viability of the team as bad decisions pile up. The best, productive, and innovative teams will be ones where the members feel safe to speak their minds, throw out ideas, and negate or support one another without the fear of retribution, attack or dirty looks.

Teams should cultivate empathy, respect, and mutual support for all opinions so it is a safe place for risk-taking and expression.

People have different levels of comfort. Some naturally speak up, while others – who may have fantastic ideas – never do. Setting a rule in place to give every person time to talk in the group helps create the norm where everyone’s voice is heard.

It helps people practice who don’t normally speak up have their voice heard; it helps those who always speak up practice listening; and it creates a norm where everyone’s voice is important.

Counteracting the Traps

  1. Establish Group Diversity – Uniformity tends to breed lackluster results. Groups thrive when opinions from different genders, age groups, and ethnicities are welcome.
  2. Define Expectations – Knowing what’s expected of a group can help the group stay on track. Expectations support accountability as well, since the group members can’t deny they didn’t know what the goal was.
  3. Emphasize Collective Awareness – Understanding common group biases helps to keep them at bay. The group should know their weaknesses and how to spot them.
  4. Provide the Right Training – Teamwork training is essential and often overlooked. Team members need to understand how their role fits into the larger group identity and feel comfortable with their position.
  5. Stress Freedom of Thought – Individuals can do their own research and thinking before meeting with the group. Leaders should stress that all ideas are welcome, no matter how far out or strange they might seem.
  6. Insist on Information Sharing – It’s imperative that everyone in a group list all of the information in their possession that relates to an issue. It’s the only way to get the best results.
  7. Promote Innovation – A good leader stimulates people to climb over the mental fence that can keep a group from devising, openly discussing, and adopting new ideas and solutions.
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For an entrepreneur, it can be hard to accept you may not be the first at something.

I am still shooting myself in the foot for not having started Froyo To Go when I thought of it years before it became an actual business…BY SOMEONE ELSE!

It wasn’t my dream to have a frozen yogurt truck, but if it had been I can tell you that seeing that FroYo To Go truck would have killed my spirit and I probably wouldn’t have started.

If you have an idea for a business and you see something similar in the world it can be easy to think, “Oh someone is already doing it, nevermind.”

It is easy to let fear take hold and make you think there is a limited space for your idea and if someone got to that space first then there won’t be any space left for you.

But take a look at this Philadelphia google street view snapshot:

LuluLemon and Athleta sit right next to each other on Walnut Street in Philadelphia. Athleta was actually there first and then LuluLemon opened up next door.

Granted, both were already established brands before opening their doors on Walnut Street. Time will tell which one holds out or if there is enough market space for both to endure being neighbors; however, most of us would be filled with dread if we were thinking about opening up a luxury athleisure clothing brand and saw a similar store open up on the same block.

The world of ideas isn’t built on the same concept as train seats. A venue can be sold out, but can the universe? Can the space where ideas are born be maxed out?

Not at all. Otherwise there would only be one Italian restaurant, one clothing store, one car, and so on.

There is an illusion of limited resources that stops many in their tracks from pursuing their idea.

On Shark Tank, Mark Cuban often tells entrepreneurs that they should be working as if there is a competitor working 24/7 to beat them at their own game, and this is not bad advice for a small business owner.

If you compete against an invisible, but threatening force that is working to beat you, you will most likely rise much faster than you would have if you leisurely set up shop.

As someone considering opening up their own business, this can be daunting to hear. You might be thinking, “Well, someone probably already started in this race and is trying very hard. I’m already behind, why bother?”

Many have the dream of starting their own company, project, hobby, or life direction but don’t put it into practice because of fear.

Sometimes these ideas about how the world works and our individual capabilities aren’t explicit definitions we have decided on, but these thoughts still have a very real impact on our behavior.

Imagine you are looking down into the Grand Canyon. You don’t explicitly identify that you’re a human being who can’t fly, so you therefore can’t jump off the ledge and soar across to the other side.

No one ever says to you, “Hey, remember you can’t fly!”

You don’t try to fly – and you probably don’t even think about flying across as a real possibility – because you have so deeply internalized the idea that you don’t have the ability to fly.

In a similar way, we deeply internalize the idea that there are limited resources and opportunities for us to be successful. Though we don’t explicitly define this belief, it affects our behaviors and decisions every day.

The belief that there are limited resources and/or opportunities for each of us to be successful is the very belief that will keep success at bay.

Relax!

When anxiety creeps into your system it burns up the cognitive energy necessary to complete the work you’ll need to do. Your brain is working overtime to deal with the anxiety when you need it to be focused on the task at hand.

A 2011 study performed by Kathleen D. Vohs, Roy F. Baumeister, and Brandon J. Schmeichel showed that our belief in ourselves affects our energy level.

The study is particularly relevant for those with weak self-efficacy. As you tire yourself out with anxious thoughts and self doubt, that fatigue then chips away at your self-efficacy. So you end up exhausted and feeling hopeless.

Take a moment to close your eyes and breathe.

Stay aware of the thoughts that pervade your mind.

If you are you talking yourself out of succeeding, stop that train and replace it with a vision of whatever success means to you. You have control over what you think. You can fill your head with thoughts of failure or thoughts of success. Choose wisely and give yourself a chance!

Your success may not come in the package you expected

Take the FroYo To Go example. Had it been my dream to have a frozen yogurt food truck, I might have had to modify it once I saw the FroYo To Go truck.

Maybe I change the frozen yogurt to some other delicacy. Maybe my trucks open up at night, after the FroYo’s are closed for the day. Maybe it’s not a food truck, but rather a brick and mortar cafe.

Don’t be stuck on your success manifesting in one specific way. It limits your potential.

Social Comparison is not your friend

Your only social comparison should be with yourself, i.e. how is your progress matching up to your goals?

The minute you start comparing your success to that of another is when things start going downhill.

That’s when anxiety creeps in, that’s when the illusion of limited resources kicks in, that’s when your self-efficacy wanes, that’s when you take your first step onto the road of quitting.

You can, however, use social comparison positively if you start believing that there’s a space for your idea in the world. When someone else’s success doesn’t detract from your own, collaboration and creativity reign.

Meaning, if you see another business thriving with something similar then you can say, “OK the world likes this idea, I just have to let them know I exist as well.”

It’s not your idea that’s original, it’s you

There are rarely revolutionary, brand new ideas. Typically modifications or combinations of already existing ideas keep the world moving steadily forward.

Entrepreneurs thrive on new ideas, new concepts, innovations, disrupting the old ways to pave the way for some better process, but more importantly: they begin.

They take action. And action begets action, until you’ve eventually carved out a niche for yourself.

Rather than stopping before you’ve even started, use the existing competition to differentiate yourself from what’s already out there. See the obstacle as an opportunity and remember that there is no finite amount of success to go around.

Some people like Burger King, while others like McDonald’s or Wendy’s. I happen to shop at Athleta, not LuluLemon. Look at all of the new products that are born within already dominated markets: like crazy chip flavors, organic juice varieties, or this season’s denim trends.

There’s always room for another product, service, or idea, you just have to begin and keep going.

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You have a presentation coming up, you’ve prepped, you know the information inside and out, but as prepared as you are, how do you know if you are conveying an air of confidence?

This is almost more important than whether what you are saying is true or not.

Turns out, our brains have a primal, vested interest in the mental state of who it is listening to. We are neurologically wired to determine whether the information given to us by someone is being given to us with confidence or insecurity.

On a neurochemical level we want to know whether whom we are listening to can be trusted. It’s a carry-over from our primitive days when we were focused primarily on surviving.

No one wants to waste their precious time listening to someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about. And while you might know what you’re talking about the brains in the heads of your audience might be tuning out on a primal level based on certain factors.

1. Work on your tone.

Turns out, confident voices tend to be lower in pitch, have a flatter intonation, and a faster speech rate.

Xiaoming Jiang, a postdoctoral researcher in the Neuropragmatics and Emotion Lab led at McGill University discovered that our brain activity lights up when a listener encounters a “confident” voice, suggesting our brains like and give attention to what it considers a confident voice. Simply put, our brains are attracted to confident tones.

Which begs the question…what is a “confident” voice?

Jiang and his colleagues determined that a confident tone tends to be lower in pitch, with flat intonation, and a faster speech rate. A non-confident tone tends to be higher in pitch, slower speech, and rising in pitch towards the end (think: upspeak).

Confident speech also ends in a period and never a question (when a question isn’t being stated).

Our neurons pick up on these tones and we receive encoded information about whether this voice is a voice to be trusted, based on it sounding like it knows.

And what’s more, this all happens in under a second. “When a speaker is very confident about something, this can be assessed at a very early stage,” Jiang says.

So as soon as you mutter “This might…” or “I feel…” or “I believe…” your listener’s brain has placed you in the non-confident realm.

2. Stop with the disclaimers.

This might sound stupid, but…

Everyone, at some point, has prefaced something they were about to say with a disclaimer that let them off the hook in case it did indeed sound stupid.

Unfortunately, you’re not winning anyone over with your humility and/or lack of arrogance.

I’m not saying it’s fair, but it’s time to stop because you are doing yourself a disservice.

If you are up against a competitor or a colleague with a “confident” tone you put yourself at a disadvantage. And your listener won’t even be cognizant of how their preference is being formed because it’s happening on a neural level in less than a second.

Whether the person behind the voice does actually know what he/she is talking about is another story, but for our own sake it behooves us to try and project a tone of confidence, thereby eliciting the trust of our listener.

3. Make sure your body language matches what you are saying.

Don’t be confusing. You might be saying, “this might sound stupid” physically but not verbally.

What are your shoulders doing? What is your stance? Are your arms crossed or open? How do you stand when listening to someone?

None of it is inherently bad, but your body has to be putting your best self forward too.

Maintain a relational philosophy throughout the day where you are not on automatic pilot but are instead aware and as in the moment as you can be, so that you are relating to people in a self-aware mode.

Sounds obvious but we can easily coast over many interactions and not really be present at the same time.

Remember: you’re sending neural signals to your listener / audience with your tone and physicality. You want them in your reign.

4. Recognize cues that say you aren’t capturing their attention.

Cues such as someone speaking over you, faces and physicality that indicate a lack of interest, your listener looking away, etc.

When you see this, acknowledge it, either internally or externally. “It seems like I may have lost you on that last comment, let me rephrase it” etc, and readjust.

Cameron Anderson, a professor of organizational behavior at the Haas School of Business at the University of California, has studied the effects and motivation of overconfidence. “When people are confident,” says Anderson, “when they think they are good at something, regardless of how good they actually are, they display a lot of confident nonverbal and verbal behavior.”

In Anderson’s study, he concluded that overconfident individuals “…spoke more, used a confident and factual vocal tone…exhibited a calm and relaxed demeanor, and offered answers first.”

We see that mention of “tone” again. And what’s also interesting is that the overconfident individuals in Anderson’s study never made “explicit statements about their own abilities…or their certainty in their answers.”

How convenient! It suggests that tone and confidence is the only support overconfident individual require to put forth their opinions.

If there are those out there who can project confidence without having the skills to back it up – and if our brains are wired to detect confidence in under a second – then it behooves all of us to give ourselves a fighting chance in this competitive world.

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I hate managing people. Probably most people do. In my ideal world everyone knows what they have to do, they do it on time, without being reminded, and we all co-exist as a happy, independent – but also bonded – self-directed, motivated working family. Not so hard, right?

Well, it’s a tad hard actually.

Everyone has different skillsets, different brains, and different methodologies. Moreover, not everyone possesses a self-directed, entrepreneurial brain, despite the push these days to cultivate the intrapreneur. There will always be people who need specific direction and those that don’t, and neither is better than the other.

In a typical week I meet with my team to discuss agendas and ideas, then we break for the week, and then re-group the following week. I’m less concerned about adhering to a specific schedule or traditional workday than I am about giving people the freedom to work according to their individual style.

What I didn’t foresee when I started my leadership consulting business though is that:

too much flexibility and independence can set a low bar if not paired with strong accountability.

I’ve had my share of horrible bosses; I didn’t want to repeat their mistakes and bad behavior. I vowed to create a space where people could work and thrive independently.

Everyone was free to work according to their own schedule but when tasks and projects weren’t completed I allowed for further flexibility and understanding, which didn’t yield the desired results. I found myself repeatedly asking for work week after week that I wasn’t getting.

The following are some lessons I learned about how flexibility, understanding, and accountability work with – and against – each other.

1. Be specific about what you want so you get what you want.

It doesn’t make someone weak if they need specific directives. Have an initial conversation to uncover what kind of work style the person has (particularly in remote working situations) and what they expect from you. Maybe run an assessment on them so you get a glimpse into their personality. What you want to avoid is having this conversation repeatedly:

You: This isn’t what I wanted, this is what I wanted.

Employee: Oh I didn’t hear you say that.

You: I thought it was a given.

Was it a given? Or do you need to…

2. Manage your own expectations.

Not everyone is going to think like you. They may have the intrapreneurial gene but that doesn’t mean they will fill in the blanks for everything that needs to be done to carry the business forward. Develop awareness of your own expectations and of your employees’ abilities. Don’t expect someone with an “employee” mindset to be the best independent worker capable of doing what you haven’t outlined. On that note…

3. Don’t expect people to care as much as you do.

Even your hardest-working, most devout employee will never care about the company quite the same was as you. It’s not their baby, they don’t feel the day-to-day pressure that comes with owning and operating a business, and ultimately they can always leave if they want. This is a good starting point so you can…

4. Recognize everyone has strengths and weaknesses (including you) but don’t let them off the hook for their weaknesses.

People will favor their “strong arm” naturally but ignoring your weak arm causes injury to the rest of your body, so to speak. You owe it to your employees to challenge them to work on their weaknesses and hold them accountable for their development. If you allow them to only do what they’re good at, you will only give them certain projects, they’ll only expect to get specific projects, and you’ll end up doing work you probably should have delegated, which will build resentment, which is why you need to make it known that…

5. Flexibility is earned.

If your people don’t do what they said they would, then they’ve lost their flexibility. They will feel the jarring brunt of that loss when they incur more attention on themselves and find they are being managed to a degree they hadn’t been beforehand. Or you may find it necessary to implement harsher consequences.

Netflix has been praised for having the ideal company culture under the umbrella of “freedom and responsibility.” You get all the vacation you want, you can expense without approval, they don’t have yearly performance reviews, you’re paid well, and you have the freedom to work and innovate without being bogged down by process. They take the high road and treat everyone as adults and as such they expect you to act and work like one.

They have a strong accountability in place: you’re expected to work at a high level or you might be asked to leave. Another way to phrase all this is…

6. The High Road i.e. “Don’t make me manage you.”

If everyone does what’s expected of them, then ultimately there’s no need for a “manager” per se. “Managers” exist when people can’t be trusted. They are carry-overs from the old guard when employees were considered “guilty until proven innocent.” If you set the expectations, are specific about what you want, and understand the work mentalities of your employees, then you state that your policy is the “high road” policy, where as long as expectations are met then flexibility is there for the taking. And if you find that you are not holding people accountable, then…

7. Self-analyze.

Ask yourself some hard questions:

Are you not being direct because you want people to like you?

Are you afraid to manage people?

Do you expect everyone to be entrepreneurs?

Do you in fact know what you want or were you hoping your employees would figure it out for you?

And when they didn’t figure it out did you then realize the onus is still on you to figure it out and now it’s one more thing you have to do?

And now you hate yourself and everyone else and you need go on a coffee run?

It’s ok, you can still…

8. Right the ship.

Start implementing continuous feedback and accountability. Create deadlines and don’t let people off the hook. A lot of pressure rests on the boss – and company – to build the perfect workplace culture, but it’s a two-way street: employees are also responsible for earning the flexibility and understanding. This is especially hard in remote situations, but make it a mantra that “accountability comes before flexibility.”

Create a working relationship where feedback is open and welcome; this is the only way you set the bar higher.

 

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Over the years I’ve found myself at the end of many a workday beckoning to the heavens, “Where did the day go???” I eventually came to the realization that I needed to streamline my life and structure my days around my energy levels.

I used to immediately grab my phone when I woke up to scroll through emails. To be honest, many mornings I still do if I’m anxious about some aspect of work, but I try not to because it drains me instantly.

These days I try to take a moment first — to kiss my husband, to kiss my cats — to have a moment of personal life before I entrench myself into work mode.

You can close the door to your office (if you have one), tell everyone not to bother you, and turn up the white noise in your noise-canceling headphones all you like (and believe me I have!) but when it comes to productivity and focus it’s all about preserving your energy — or willpower.

This stuff is personal and requires trial and error. What works for me won’t necessarily work for you, but here are some tactics I’ve adopted to put me at my most productive. And I’m thankful for them!

Pave the Road from Wake to Work With Something Fun, Relaxing or New

Bon jour, Madame! Où est La Rue Saint Jacques?

La Rue Saint Jacques? C’est là-bas!

I have started to learn French in the wee-early hours of the morning and I’m loving it. My husband and I wake up at the crack of dawn and take a brisk hour walk and listen to our French lessons, he a few feet behind me so I don’t have to hear him and his perfect French accent while I struggle with “Je.”

The morning air, the exercise, the brain cell increase from learning a new language — it’s a great way to wake up and prep the mind for taking in information.

Yes, there’s a certain willpower depletion that comes from learning something new, but because it’s not work-related it feels invigorating and allows me the time and relaxation in the morning to transition from waking to working.

If you can’t handle me in my active wear, then you don’t deserve me in my…active wear.

I wear active wear every single day that I get to work from home. Leggings and a shirt is my uniform.

By reaching for leggings and a shirt I don’t tap into any serious brain functioning to decide what I’m going to wear. Being that I get to work from home when I’m not with clients it doesn’t really matter anyway. Might as well be as comfy as can be. When I’m out with clients, I have my go-to also. A black skirt or pants, a belt and a button down blouse or a dress with a belt. Simple and done and already known.

Every decision we make depletes our willpower and you need as full a reserve of willpower as possible to get through the workday. My willpower is thus still relatively intact after I’ve showered and dressed for the day because I’m not thinking about what I’m going to wear.

Mark Zuckerberg does the same, as did Steve Jobs. This probably isn’t the first time you’ve heard about the uniform routine. I’m a believer in it; it helps me. I actively feel the absence of having to choose what to wear and that relaxes me, as do my leggings.

Find your uniform! It can be as simple as “I like blue shirts” or “I like boots” (and who doesn’t love a great pair of boots?)

Hardboiled eggs are my best friend; so is Sunday cooking.

I like a couple of eggs every day with some vegetables, maybe a little sweet potato, a cup of coffee and I’m good. No more “What am I going to eat?” “Where will I eat?” “Should I eat this?” I save the more exciting breakfasts for weekend brunches when I have the luxury of choice.

On Sundays I roast vegetables, bake sweet potatoes, boil eggs, cook some meat, and voila: food for the week.

Being able to not think about food, although it’s fun to think about food, saves so much time and so much energy.

Let it all out.

I need to be able to emote freely, speak at full volume on the phone freely, pace if need be.

Suppressing emotion or curtailing your personality in any way is a willpower zapper.

If you don’t have a door or a private room, step outside for a moment to vent; grab a cup of coffee. Make sure you have an emotional outlet, otherwise it churns inside you, gathers momentum and power, and steals your focus.

System Preferences → Notifications → None

“Cheryl also commented on Rebecca’s post about feeding the giraffe at the zoo.”

“@luvsrockclimbing44 has sent you a message.”

“LinkedIn Message: “Hi Nicole, I’m new to organizational psychology and was wondering if you could give me some pointers about…”

I love social media and I love the notifications, so much so that if I don’t turn them off I will find myself typing a lengthy considerate email to Jennifer Somebody about how to start your consulting practice while I ignore my own.

I save all social media follow-ups for post-dinner / TV watching or early AM coffee time. It has no place in the meat of the day. Only eating meatballs belongs in the meat of the day.

Chunk isn’t just a Goonies character, it’s also a productivity hack

At the end of each day I look at what I have lined up for the next day. Then I chunk out my day. Tasks that are going to require a fair amount of mental energy I schedule as early as possible.

Did you know that the average worker actually checks their email up to 74x/day???

Our willpower is fullest at the start of the day. You’ll need that willpower reserve for the tasks/projects that tax your brain. If you spend the first half of your day answering emails, crossing off the easy-to-do items on your to-do list you are putting yourself at a disadvantage for the harder stuff later in the day.

Sometimes life is boring…and that’s OK.

Resisting temptation — to abstain from distraction — depletes our willpower. The more depleted our willpower, the less we are able to attend to important projects and important conversations.

Giving in to every distraction versus training your brain to be still creates a scattered, inattentive mind.

I’ve learned not everything I do is exciting or interesting. Sometimes I need to perform a solo brainstorm session and it’s not fun. Sometimes I need to write lots of proposals that are boring. To get these tasks done so I can move on to the next point of business I have to accept that boredom is part of my life, and presumably part of yours too.

If you allow yourself to distract every time boredom creeps into your day you are empowering your ego, which aims to grab and attach to something — anything! — in every second of every minute, all day long.

Take back control of your mind. You steer the boat.

Productivity is less about tricks and more about just managing your energy in a way that works for you.

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Every year millions of people are diagnosed with Terrible Personality Disorder but nobody wants to talk about it. Even the DSM-5 has not yet classified it as a legitimate personality disorder despite the disease’s prevalence in society. TPD has been unfairly delegitimized while those who suffer from it are oblivious to their condition and the suffering they inflict on others.

If you are not familiar with this personality disorder, it’s because I made it up. There are a lot of personality traits that have no official classification but are just as difficult to work with as those that do (like Narcissism for instance).

Some of the traits I’m referring to are the following:

  • Oblivious to social cues, like talking your ear off and not seeing the lobotomized look on your face
  • Loud Talking in area where others are concentrating
  • Insistence on being right
  • Being the authority on everything that has ever happened or will happen
  • Complaining ad nauseam
  • The need to explain themselves when there’s no reason to
  • The One-Upper
  • Using long-winded analogies for easily understood concepts

This is only a partial list of the criteria that comprises TPD, but no matter the trait, they all share one thing in common: there is an overwhelming need to be HEARD, which points to deeply rooted insecurity. It’s not your responsibility to uncover the cause of their insecurity or to be its depository.

Don’t become their victim, whether it be through having to patiently listen to them, endure their obliviousness, or take the high road to avoid unnecessary conflict. That victimhood can easily turn into resentment if left unchecked, which is why…

It’s important to be patient and have compassion for their plight. Unless you’re dealing with a psychopath, those with TPD don’t realize they’re victimizing you; they’re simply living their lives (while making it harder for you to live yours). There could be trauma behind their obliviousness, their need to be heard, to be right, to win, be first, to get their words into your ears. Something or someone, somewhere, at some time, negatively affected them and now it’s stealing your life force. So we need not be mean or rude, but….

It’s OK to ask for space. You don’t have to do this rudely or meanly. If you have work to do, somewhere else to be, or simply don’t want your life back, you can politely say, “I’m so sorry, I have to get back to something I was working on/dealing with/in the middle of.” And on that note…

Don’t throw yourself into the fray. There’s no harm in avoiding someone when you don’t have the time or energy to spend dealing with their personality. We sometimes let ourselves be enveloped out of compassion, but what about compassion for yourself and your needs? They will drain you to the point where you’re a deflated balloon, and then you have nothing left for work, and it’s only one o’clock. If possible, move to an area that’s more secluded, which falls under the umbrella of…

Focus on what you can control. There is a Buddhist proverb that goes something like since you can’t cover the earth in leather [to make it more comfortable to walk on], you cover your feet in leather. The point is just as astute as it is obvious: start with yourself. One way is to…

Set boundaries. Make it known that for certain periods of the day you do not have the time to deal with anything but that which you are working on. If they truly need to be heard, have them…

Email. This puts the power back in your hands. You can respond when you have time.

 

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A few years ago, I fell into a bit of a mental slump. My leadership development company, Equilibria Leadership Consulting, had just completed a two-year long project with our biggest client to date and we did not have another gig on the horizon. We did not have another gig on the horizon because I committed huge mistake #1 of owning a company: “forgetting” to do business development because I was too busy delivering.

I hate to admit it but my anticipatory anxiety flew through the roof. I feared the worst: we would not land another client, I wouldn’t be able to pay my employees, I’d have to close up shop, find a new career, divorce my husband, sell my car, move to the country, and raise cats. I was happy about the cat thing but pretty bummed about the rest.

I also felt extraordinarily guilty and stupid for committing “huge mistake #1” of owning a company. I felt like a complete failure.

It also didn’t help that I had just returned from my honeymoon and was probably dealing with a wine withdrawal, having spent the previous two weeks drinking in Italy and France.

Suffice it to say my anxiety over the business was affecting my ability to think clearly and objectively move forward. The fear and anxiety directly impacted my self-efficacy. I remember feeling mentally sluggish, lacking vigor.

Turns out this isn’t rocket science. Our self-efficacy directly impacts our motivation and ability to forge ahead. In short, our belief in ourselves (or lack thereof) influences how much energy you have to move through life and accomplish your goals.

The way you think about yourself makes or breaks your bottom line.

A 2011 study performed by Kathleen D. Vohs, Roy F. Baumeister, and Brandon J. Schmeichel found that if you are mildly exhausted and you have a strong sense of self-efficacy (one’s belief in one’s ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task) then the mild exhaustion won’t affect your ability to forge ahead.

But if you don’t have a strong sense of self-efficacy then even a slight mental drain will join forces with your insecurity to ensure you drag yourself down and make you even more exhausted.

I’ve always been extremely driven and ambitious, waking up early and working steadfastly throughout the day, so this was an unusual state for me to be in; that further compounded matters as I couldn’t stop asking myself, “What’s wrong with me?”

There was an unhealthy cycle at play: fear I wouldn’t land another gig created anxiety, which created mental exhaustion, which affected my self-efficacy, which created fear I wouldn’t land another gig, and so on and so forth.

My husband, who normally needs career pep talks from me, was now the pep talker. We pepped and talked daily for a couple weeks until the fog lifted (and maybe the wine, cheese, and bread started to leave my system).

I can tell you from first-hand experience that when you are not feeling up to par professionally, you will need to bolster your lifestyle with every other possible gain to ensure you don’t drag yourself down a rabbit hole of exhaustion and self-defeat.

Since we can all feel less than at times, we need to either remember to eat, sleep, exercise, and laugh on a daily basis, or remind ourselves that our insecurities and exhaustion are joining forces to keep our productivity at bay.

So, in short:

  • Self-confidence increases your energy level and your immunity to the effects of mental exhaustion
  • Lack of self-confidence decreases your energy level and weakens your immunity to mental exhaustion

We need to think of our belief systems the same way we do our bodies and muscles. If you were going to run a marathon you would train. You’d build up your stamina. You’d run a bit every day. You’d stretch. You’d watch what you ate. You’d try to get the right amount of sleep. All of these factors play important roles to get into the right physical shape for the marathon.

Similarly, you need to prep the mind for the marathon that is your life. You need to get it in shape. So if you lack confidence, self-efficacy, or if you feel lazy, unambitious, and cynical – all of these factors are going to hinder your performance level.

If you’re getting enough sleep and eating well but still lack the energy to accomplish what you want to accomplish in life, take a look at your belief system. What are you telling yourself on a daily basis?

Are you filling your own head with doubt, insecurity, and cynicism? This type of negative self-talk will become a self-fulfilling prophecy as you drain yourself of the energy needed to accomplish the goals you are telling yourself aren’t possible in the first place.

Exhaustion we pretty much know how to deal with: sleep, the food you eat, exercise, etc. But what about self-efficacy? There isn’t a confidence diet, I’ve never seen an “Eat these three foods to believe in yourself” article.I offer the following three suggestions as a starter kit for keeping your self-efficacy intact:

  1. ACT. That’s not an acronym. I mean take action, even if they are small actions. Action begets action and as you accomplish small goals your confidence will rise. It’s amazing how great accomplishing a goal can feel. It removes so much anxiety. When we stagnate our anxiety increases and those two (stagnation and anxiety) will reinforce each other until the end of time. So don’t worry about the BIG goals. Instead focus on the small wins you can accomplish on a daily basis. Maybe it’s something as simple as registering a website domain. If you act in any way, shape or form, you’re way ahead of the majority of the world.
  2. Get a coach. If you lack the motivation to accomplish small goals on your own then you need outside help to motivate you, reveal your mental blocks to you, give you pep talks, and pump you up. Until you can self-motivate I recommend seeking outside motivation. A coach can give you the tools you need to prop yourself up when you’re alone.
  3. Talk to someone who is doing what you want to do. Learn how they got to where they are, what steps they took, what obstacles they faced. You might learn that they went through periods of self-doubt as well. Maybe they’ll share how they overcame them. When you meet another regular human being who has done what you want to do the road to the goal becomes less mysterious.

The two main actions that worked for me were talking to my husband, who served as a coach, and accomplishing small daily goals. Even though it felt like drudgery, the small daily actions kept me moving forward until the habit of moving forward was re-established.

The talking and the acting eventually broke the spell. Once the fog lifted I resumed my normal activity level, got back on track, and soon enough I started doing the work necessary to land some business.

I still recommend devouring as much bread, cheese, and wine if/when you find yourself in the south of France.

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A couple of weeks ago I went on a California vacation. I was excited to take a well-needed break from work and drive down the Pacific Coast Highway for a little wine tasting in Sonoma.

As I always do prior to a vacation, I put my out-of-office notification on. Then I boarded the plane and settled into my much anticipated, guilty-pleasure, marathon catch-up session of Scandal.

Then my phone rang. It was my doctor’s office.“I’m on vacation!” I shouted in my head and happily sent the call to voicemail. They’ll leave a message, I figured. Back to Scandal with my phone in airplane mode. Sayonara.

Except…

My doctor’s office didn’t leave a message. They decided to email me instead.

And then my out-of-office email responded to their email. And then their server responded to my out-of-office email with their automated “this email cannot receive replies” email. And then my out-of-office email responded to their “this email cannot receive replies” email, and then their “this email cannot receive replies” email responded to my out-of-office email.

These two emails soon became old friends, ping-ponging back and forth for the five hour flight. When I arrived in California I had over 2000 undeliverable emails in my Gmail Inbox.

“Oh my god!” I said out loud when we landed — 2,000 undeliverable emails, and they kept pouring in. But, with every ounce of my vacation-cool, I ignored it. I got back in the present moment thinking I would just batch delete them later.

Except….

The thousands of emails piling up in my inbox resembled a spam account, which triggered Gmail’s algorithms, and they (Gmail? Code? Bots? The Illuminati???) disabled my account. If you emailed the account you received a message that it wasn’t a real email account, and this was both my personal and professional account.

I run two businesses via this account, and any email account I’ve had over the years forwards to this account. I know, I know…this is a terrible practice, but when easy works, I like easy.

Panic is an understatement for what I started to experience.

Contracts. Contacts. Paper trails. Years of correspondence. History. Files. Folders. Memories. My life!

Gone.

How to remain intact when the shit hits the fan. 

These are the moments in life we hope never happen, but they always do. It doesn’t matter if you’re on vacation, or watching your kid’s soccer game, or having the worst week of your life. It’s not a question of if but when. And the choice in these moments is always the same — how will you handle it?

Yes, I thought about cancelling the vacation and flying back home. I thought about holing up in my hotel room until this mess was figured out. But this vacation was important to my husband and I. I needed to remain intact and present.

So, here’s what I did…

I paused and assessed what I could and could not control. This is called an internal locus of control: the belief that you can influence events and their outcomes; as opposed to an external locus of control, which is the belief that the external world controls you and is therefore to blame for whatever happens to you.

I took the necessary steps to reinstate my Gmail account. I filled out the reinstatement request form Gmail offers if you feel your account was wrongly disabled — a form that feels akin to writing the request on a piece of paper, putting it into a glass bottle and throwing it into the ocean.

I took to the Gmail forum message boards, searching for anyone who could help. I contacted friends and associates who might have insider access to the Google kingdom.

Whether Gmail would heed my calls and reinstate my account was out of my control.

So my next step was to look at cool art in Santa Cruz.

Of course, finding your internal locus of control is easier said than done, but there are a few things you can do to make it easier.

1. Give yourself space to freak out.

When going through stressful experiences I recommend a solid hour per day of what is known in the psychology world as a controlled freakout.

Ok, I made that up, but it should be a thing.

Each morning for the week we were on vacation, my husband would awake at about 5:30AM to the cool California morning breeze, the feel of crisp hotel sheets, and the sound of frenzied typing as I drummed up support on Gmail forums.

Then we’d talk about it. Talking helped me figure out my action steps, both physically and mentally. Without talking and processing, it all stays in your head and continues to grow. When you talk about it you release the anxiety.

Then I would move on. I was still alive, the earth was spinning, I was on vacation.

Every day I made a choice to find my internal locus of control.

2. Release anxiety by naming your emotions.

This is a process called “Affect Labeling,” it’s been around for awhile, but has only recently been named.

UCLA psychology professor, Matthew Lieberman, did a study that showed that labeling your emotions reduces the effect of the emotion. He coined the process “Affect Labeling.”

It works.

I talked about the situation with my husband, but also explained what I was feeling — sad, scared, anxious, and angry. But my emotions while watching this weird looking fish at the aquarium in Monterey were happy and curious.

By naming what I was feeling, I gained control over those feelings.

3. Recognize that you are in a period of intense learning.

I talk and write a lot about resilience and how it’s a major component for successful leadership, but I’m not Tony Robbins. I’m not always as resilient as I should be.

This was my opportunity to walk the walk. And a funny thing happens when you make a conscious choice to shift how you think about a situation: life becomes less scary.

In the moment, it often doesn’t feel like you have control over your emotions. But like everything in life, it’s a choice. Instead of living in panic, I chose to view the situation objectively, as one that would help me hone skills that are incredibly valuable.

Because the truth is, we should be activating our internal locus of control on a daily basis. It starts with recognizing that ultimate happiness doesn’t come from perfect lives or perfect vacations, happiness comes when we choose to take control over how we react to our emotions.

The shit will always hit the fan. How you respond is up to you.

Waiting, blaming, procrastinating, wondering, and self-pity will always make time for you. Inaction and external focus can bolster anxiety. Positive action, however, quiets the critical and anxious mind. When you take ownership and action, even if the end game is a losing one, you will know you did what you could do; you’ll sleep easier because you acted, you focused on what was in your control.

There’s a Buddhist saying that goes something like, “If you can do something about a situation then why get angry about it, and if you can’t do something about a situation then why get angry about it.” That’s some ancient leadership development for you.

Oh, and one bonus piece of advice — prevention is key. If you’re going to build your whole life and business on a single account, use one that has a customer service department, like G-Suite or Office 365.

And if you notice that your out-of-office notification starts going crazy, turn it off immediately!

And finally, if your doctor calls, answer the phone.


I would love to hear about your own coping mechanisms and times when they had to kick into gear!

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