How to torture your boss via emoticons

Dear Boss,

I heard back from Tom and it looks like we got approval to move ahead with the project. 🙂 !

Dear Employee,

Great, thanks for letting me know. Keep me abreast of any changes.

Dear Boss,

I absolutely will. Anything else I should keep in mind? 🙂 !

Dear Employee,

Nope. I think you have everything covered.

Dear Boss,

Okay, sounds good. I’ll keep you updated as things move along.

Dear Boss,

🙂 !!

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Why Your Torture Plan Will Surely Backfire

Imagine it’s not a series of emails, but rather phone calls. Imagine you’re extremely busy and don’t want to answer a call but you do because it’s probably important. On the call, you discuss the issue at hand and it’s resolved. You hang up.

A second later the same person calls you again. You pick up.

Them: I’m smiling right now.

You: OK?

Them: Just wanted you to know I’m happy.

You: OK, thanks.

[you hang up, they call a second later…]

Them: Anything else you want to talk about?

You: Nope, the first call did the job.

Them: OK, no problem. By the way, I’m still smiling, I’m still happy.

[you hang up, they call back and this time you don’t even say “Hello” after picking up. After a moment…]

Them: Smiling.

And…..scene.

Translation: No one has time for extra emails. Sending the last word just for last word’s sake, especially in the form of an emoticon is pure torture. Your friends don’t like it. Your colleagues don’t like it. Your boss, well, he/she hates you for it.

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Maybe Try This Instead?

When you get an email that does not require a response and you feel your fingers about to combine a colon and parentheses, maybe type the smiley emoticon in a blank document to satisfy the twitch. You can also try smiling at the computer screen with your real face to scratch that itch. Resist the urge, grasshopper.