Search for

self-worth

A long, long time ago, in a world unknown, there were two browsers that ruled internet surfing: Netscape and Internet Explorer; and search engines such as Alta Vista and Excite. They were the kings of Internet browsing.

Then more browsers came along: Safari, Firefox, and then Chrome. And with them more search engines. You might have heard of Google. And Bing. And Yahoo is still with us.

Google is by far the best search engine we have seen yet, but it would have been very easy to think, “Alta Vista and Excite and Yahoo are already out there, how am I going to compete with them?” And the same reasoning could be applied to building a new browser, but the architects of Firefox and Chrome didn’t let the fact that there were already successful browsers out there stop them.

The Scrub Daddy is a sponge that won a deal on Shark Tank and is now in every Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Was anyone siting around unhappy with their sponges? Not really, but one person was and they decided to do something about it. The Scrub Daddy is now a huge success.

Look at the juice market, or the chips market, or the confectionary market, or the hummus market. New brands are always entering the fray and they are gaining shelf space among the giants.

Of course it’s better to build something the world has never seen, but the truth is, there is very little the world hasn’t seen, and so what? That doesn’t mean you can’t find a niche in whatever it is you aim to build or build something better than the world has ever seen.

The Illusion of Limited Resources


I’m always working as though there’s a finish line and if I don’t get there first someone else will; they’ll win the prize, they’ll take the business I would have won, make the money I would have made, get the rewards I would have received and then there will be nothing left for me or anyone else.

This attitude creates an anticipatory anxiety that is neither good for business or personal health. It also happens to be a false premise.

The truth is there is always enough to go around for everyone. The belief that there are limited resources and/or opportunities for each of us to be successful is the very belief that will keep success at bay.

Here are the 4 reasons why along with ways you can counteract getting in your own way.

The Self-Serving Bias

This bias is the tendency to attribute positive outcomes to our own behavior and negative outcomes to external factors. It is a great way to exonerate yourself and blame the world for why you didn’t get what you want.

For example, your business scores a huge sale and you think, “I did this!” Conversely, your business doesn’t score the huge sale and you think, “They/that did this to me!” It is a self-preservation technique to protect your ego.

This is biased thinking, meaning it is flawed, and it mentally places the responsibility for your life into the hands of others rather than yourself, even though – ultimately – it is always you who is to credit for your successes and your failures.

Protecting your ego is nice but it also prevents you from seeing the facts, dealing with them and having the information you need to make better decisions. When you start blaming, you start losing.

Blame creates a feeling of helplessness, that despite your best efforts the world was out to thwart you, so what’s the point. If you feel like everything is futile and there’s no point in pursuing your goals because clearly the world wants to see you fall then you will not have the motivation and willpower to do anything but live a status quo life. You’ll make a living, go through the motions, and in the end hand over the keys to your self-worth to the external world.

To persevere you need to keep your willpower intact. And to keep your willpower intact you need to stay motivated.

 Your Beliefs Affect Your Energy Level

We begin each day with a full reserve of willpower and as we go through the day and make choices, do our work, complete tasks and so on our willpower is depleted. It behooves us to keep our willpower reserve as in tact as possible so that we can stay focused and accomplish our goals.

 

A 2011 study performed by Kathleen D. Vohs, Roy F. Baumeister, and Brandon J. Schmeichel did a study on the effect of our beliefs and motivations on ego depletion.

According to the study, “When the [ego] depletion is slight, there is ample and profound room for subjective beliefs and motivations to moderate the effects” but also that “no person can continue running or swimming forever no matter how much he or she may be motivated.”

Meaning, if we are only mildly depleted and we maintain strong self-efficacy we can keep that fatigue from overpowering us. Conversely, if we lack self-efficacy, the fatigue can gain momentum and further deplete our willpower. But at a certain point of exhaustion it doesn’t matter how much we believe in ourselves.

So, if you’re extremely exhausted it will not matter if you believe someone else’s success has erased your potential, but if you’re not extremely exhausted – the state in which we all typically begin our days – then believing someone else’s success has erased your potential can have a deleterious effect on your willpower, energy level, and ability to stay focused and accomplish your goals.

It thus stands to reason that you might as well give yourself the best chance you can by A) getting the rest you need and B) starting your day motivated, believing there is a space for you in this world to be successful and achieve your goals.

I want to drive home the point that motivation and self-efficacy can keep your ego depletion at bay.

Nothing Begets Nothing

There are unlimited resources for the things we don’t want to come true.

A backwards example of how momentum creates the goals you aspire to achieve is the fact that believing it can’t happen creates the reality where it doesn’t happen.

We build whole lives where things we want don’t happen because we don’t try to make them happen because we believe they won’t happen whether we do or don’t try.

That in itself is proof of success: we’ve become very good at proving nothing will happen with zero effort.

The reverse is also true: things happen when you work to make them happen. Why wouldn’t they? Be smart about it, work diligently, get a coach or advisor, learn from others that have done it already, and get crackin’.

Keep Your Eyes to Yourself

You want to stay focused while you’re building your career or business or working towards a goal. What does wishing you had what others do have to do with your goals?

You have a limited amount of energy given to you each day and you want to use that wisely. You will be shooting yourself in the foot if you expend your energy on what you don’t have, or focusing on what others have.

Instead use your energy to focus on what you want and what you’re grateful you have already. This strengthens the foundation you’ve already created and builds upon it for what you want to come to you in the future.

I don’t mean to suggest that every idea is a winner. Failure is part of life, but the path to failure is part of the path towards success. You’ll learn what to do and not do for the next venture. The key is to start, stay focused, with your eye on the prize, and put in the effort.

0 Comment
474 Views

While you would never hand over your car keys to a drunk driver to take you home, we can all point to times when we’ve handed over the keys to our self-worth to people, places and things.

Maybe a competitor’s business is doing better than yours; maybe a colleague rose up the ranks faster than you; maybe you didn’t land a client or promotion. When these alleged setbacks happen you may feel below par, that you don’t have what it takes to accomplish your goals.

Measuring your self-worth based on the success of others and your own “failures” will ensure that you always feel insecure.

It’s vital to remember that before a person becomes successful there is a period when they are not successful.

In fact, couldn’t we say that about most things?

Before a finish line is a starting line.

Before rain is thunder.

Before a rainbow there’s rain.

Before we walk we crawl.

Do you need more of these? I think you get the point (before there’s a tree there’s a seed – sorry, I couldn’t resist!).

When we disregard the truth of progress we experience professional cognitive dissonance: the projected vision of our success in our minds doesn’t match our actual success. That’s when rationalizations and justifications for why we aren’t where we want to be creep in. These lies we tell ourselves – rationalizations for why we didn’t succeed or falsehoods for why we failed – impair our ability to see our path clearly and do the work we need to do.

Here’s how you can control your perceptions of “failure” and begin disassociating your self-worth with these moving targets:

1. Practice Resilience. Practice getting back up when you fall, professionally or personally. Think back to when you learned to ride a bike. You fell, a lot. Then you got back up and tried again, armed with more skill. Somewhere along the way we forgot this lesson.

There will be many failures on the road to success. Measuring your self-worth against each of these failures will impede your progress. Make the commitment to keep getting up.

2. Counteract professional cognitive dissonance. Accept that the “failures” you experience are part of the process of attaining your goals, not an obstacle to them. If you don’t accept your reality you’re going to make decisions based in delusion, which will create detours for your path to success.

You may start to justify, rationalize, and place blame on external factors. You know, “that client is stupid for not choosing us” versus “let me look at the reasons why we lost that bid.” The minute your brain starts going there, stop! It will only cloud your ability to see where you are, where you need to go, and the necessary steps to take you there.

3. Check Your Assumptions. If you feel down because you are not where you thought you’d be at this point in your career, remember that you don’t know what the road to that destination looks like. There’s no reason to assume you will never make a mistake or fall short; there’s no reason to assume that you are not still on the road to accomplishing your vision.

4. Recognize “being in the game” is half the battle. If you recall the movie “Bull Durham,” the guys in the minor leagues wanted Kevin Kostner – who had fallen to the minors – to tell them what it was like to be in the majors. For Kostner’s character, falling to the minors was a blow to his career and ego, but he was a hero to the guys in the minors who had never been to the majors and probably never would be.

While you were getting down that you didn’t close a deal, there is someone else out there who is jealous that you were even in the running. You’re judging your self-worth on not getting the gig and the companies who were never in the game are judging their self-worth on not even getting to pitch. Where does it end?

Many people have grand ideas and big schemes but never put them into play. Taking action in and of itself is to be commended. Pat yourself on the back for having begun. Take the energy that you’re expending to compare yourself to others (or beating yourself up) and channel it toward analyzing what you can do better next time.

5. Reframe failure as opportunity. Our brains are designed to minimize pain and maximize pleasure. In psychology, this is called the “Pleasure Principle.”

Failure is pain, but opportunity is pleasure. Therefore, frame each failure as an opportunity to understand how to get closer to your goals, rather than signposts telling you that you will never succeed.

Those are the opportunities life is giving you to improve. If you don’t land a particular client, figure out why so you don’t do it again. That’s the opportunity.

6. Talk with someone objective. Look at what you’re saying to yourself. Would you coach someone else like that? There is nothing wrong with getting support and help from others. There is no successful leader or entrepreneur or person that hasn’t called upon the counsel of others. When you seek counsel you will invariably gain a perspective you would not have on your own.

7. Create your own compass. It’s normal to engage in social comparison, but negatively judging yourself based on others’ performance is when you enter muddy waters. Use social comparison to gather information, not to interfere with your own compass.

It would be like pretending that all of the cars on the highway with you are racing to the same destination as you. If you felt that way, you’d always feel like a failure because there would always be cars in front of you and cars gaining on you. We are all going to different destinations. Each of our journeys is unique to ourselves.

No one wakes up one day with a fully formed, successful business or skill out of nowhere. Professional success – and happiness – both require practice and commitment. Just as stocks go up and down, so will your path to success. If your stock is down one day it doesn’t mean it won’t go up again. Don’t sell your shares in your own identity to something external. Keep 100% control of the business that is you.

When you hold the keys to your self-worth, it doesn’t matter what happens in the external world, you’re still in control. How you react to events is perhaps the only thing you can control in life.

Don’t give that away.

0 Comment
809 Views